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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

January: the Monday of months.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,622

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Trending via WeChat:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Just landed via Threads:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Trending via WeChat:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Spotted on Instagram:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Trending via Telegram:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Trending via Reddit:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Going viral on Instagram:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Funny Michael Angelo quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

95 shares on Slack this month:

The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

49 shares on Twitch this month:

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,742

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

Shared recently on Slack:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Live now on LinkedIn:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Shared recently on Discord:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Just shared via TikTok:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Trending via WeChat:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Just shared via Telegram:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Going bananas on Facebook:

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

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