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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Trending via Reddit:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Trending via Reddit:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Making waves on Instagram:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Making waves on Instagram:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Shared recently on TikTok:

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Live now on Telegram:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Just landed via X:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Funny Michael Angelo quotes

New funny Michael Angelo quotes 👇

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

1 month ago

angelo, bad, chapel, feel, humor, michael, Michael Angelo, motivation, perseverance, success, try

All funny Michael Angelo quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

35 shares on Threads this month:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

50 shares on Threads this month:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Freshly posted on Threads:

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

Spotted on Reddit:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Just shared via Pinterest:

In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

Just landed via Threads:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Shared recently on X:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Spotted on Threads:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny Michael Angelo quotes

New funny Michael Angelo quotes 👇

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

All funny Michael Angelo quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨