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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Just landed via Twitch:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Trending via Facebook:

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Shared recently on TikTok:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Just shared via Threads:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Spotted on X:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Slack this month:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

89 shares on Threads this month:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

13 shares on Instagram this month:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

79 shares on Threads this month:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

10 shares on Threads this month:

I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Type of person to take the long way home just to listen to more music.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,313

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Just shared via Discord:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Live now on Threads:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Trending via X:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Making waves on WeChat:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

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