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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Going bananas on YouTube:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Going viral on Slack:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Going bananas on Discord:

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Just landed via Discord:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Funny no exercise quotes

New funny no exercise quotes 👇

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

5 days ago

20, aging, bad, bad eating habit, body, body image, eating, exercise, habit, habits, hate, humor, humorous, humorous observation, i, image, myself, no exercise, observation, picture, self-awareness, selfie, take

All funny no exercise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

67 shares on X this month:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Body by sandwich.

63 shares on Slack this month:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

52 shares on Discord this month:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

41 shares on Slack this month:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Seen just now on Reddit:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Going viral on YouTube:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Spotted on Discord:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny no exercise quotes

New funny no exercise quotes 👇

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

All funny no exercise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨