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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Going bananas on Twitch:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Spotted on YouTube:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Breaking via Pinterest:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Going viral on Messenger:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Just landed via Facebook:

The peace of not knowing.

Just shared via Instagram:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Funny not now quotes

Funny not now quotes are the perfect way to add a little sass and humor when you’re just not in the mood ⏳😴 Whether you’re dodging tasks or avoiding awkward convos, these witty lines keep things light and entertaining 😂🙅‍♂️ Ready to master the art of the polite pause with a smile? Let’s dive into some laughs and clever comebacks that say not now—but make it fun! 🎉😎

New funny not now quotes 👇

All funny not now quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

30 shares on Threads this month:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

46 shares on X this month:

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How do I un-know people?

60 shares on X this month:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media may have been a mistake.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,299

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Just landed via Slack:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Going viral on Discord:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Just landed via Facebook:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

Seen just now on YouTube:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Going viral on Discord:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Going viral on WeChat:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Spotted on Messenger:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

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