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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,699

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Shared recently on WeChat:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

Just shared via X:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Live now on Facebook:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Spotted on YouTube:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Funny oddity quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,347

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Shared recently on Twitch:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Seen just now on Slack:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Going viral on Facebook:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

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