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8 hours ago
Share →: And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

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Inheritance goals: ensuring my kids never run out of "What was I even looking at?" moments. 🧑‍💻📑💻

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

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I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

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Shared recently on Discord:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

Spotted on YouTube:

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Just landed via Facebook:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Making waves on YouTube:

You are the Monday of my life.

Trending via Telegram:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Spotted on WeChat:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Just shared via Facebook:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

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You’re my least favourite notification.

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

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