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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Spotted on Discord:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Just landed via Instagram:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Spotted on Twitch:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Going viral on Discord:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Going viral on TikTok:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Just landed via Instagram:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Freshly posted on Slack:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Just shared via Threads:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

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