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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Spotted on Slack:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Just shared via Messenger:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Live now on Reddit:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Seen just now on TikTok:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

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Funny physical health quotes

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New Funny Quotes
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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I need a massage for my brain.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on WeChat:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Trending via Telegram:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Going viral on WeChat:

Cool times create cool guys.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Just shared via WeChat:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Seen just now on Threads:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Making waves on Instagram:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Trending via YouTube:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

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