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2 months ago
Share →: The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

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"Just honing my 'rock-paper-scissors' skills to a professional level! 🪨📄✂️😎 #OutdoorPro"

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Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

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Seen just now on TikTok:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Just shared via Reddit:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Going viral on Facebook:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Just shared via Slack:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Making waves on Telegram:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Spotted on Instagram:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

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Funny playing outside quotes

New funny playing outside quotes 👇

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Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

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Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

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