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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I bring a sort of “this isn’t actually urgent” vibe to the workplace that managers don’t like.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Seen just now on Discord:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Spotted on Reddit:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Running from your problems is cardio.

Just shared via WeChat:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Trending via YouTube:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

48 shares on Discord this month:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

23 shares on X this month:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,480

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Just landed via Facebook:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Just landed via Messenger:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

Just shared via X:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

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