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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, β€œIt’s time to wake up.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

β€œHow is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has copied:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has viewed:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has viewed:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has shared:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡³ has viewed:

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Discord:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Making waves on Discord:

ChatGPT is down right now and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming.

Spotted on Slack:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Trending via YouTube:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Live now on Telegram:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Trending via Snapchat:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Breaking via TikTok:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

31 Funny preparation quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Discord this month:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Never understood when the movie rating says β€œMay contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,429

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has shared:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has bookmarked:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has viewed:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has shared:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡« has copied:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has viewed:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has shared:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has copied:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on Twitch:

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Breaking via Snapchat:

My body is a β€œwonder what happened” land.

Seen just now on Discord:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Going viral on Twitch:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Just shared via WeChat:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, β€œWhat kind of trees are those?”

Freshly posted on Discord:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Seen just now on Instagram:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

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