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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Broadcasted on X:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Just landed via Threads:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Funny Red Hot Chili Pepper quotes

New funny Red Hot Chili Pepper quotes 👇

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

2 weeks ago

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All funny Red Hot Chili Pepper quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

16 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

69 shares on Slack this month:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

The only Spanish I know is buenas noches, which means bonus nachos – like finding forgotten tortilla chips in your cargo shorts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Broadcasted on X:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Just shared via TikTok:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Going viral on Instagram:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Just shared via Threads:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

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Funny Red Hot Chili Pepper quotes

New funny Red Hot Chili Pepper quotes 👇

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

All funny Red Hot Chili Pepper quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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