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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

6 hours ago

Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Just shared via Instagram:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Trending via Twitch:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

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Funny Secret Service quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

6 hours ago

Users Online

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Making waves on WeChat:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Live now on X:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

Making waves on LinkedIn:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Breaking via Threads:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Just landed via YouTube:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Shared recently on X:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Going viral on Reddit:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

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