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Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

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He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

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These aliens are taking forever.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

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So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

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The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

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And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

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15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Just shared via Instagram:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Just landed via TikTok:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Just shared via Facebook:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Seen just now on Telegram:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Going viral on Telegram:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Home » Funny Secretary Quotes

Funny secretary quotes

New funny secretary quotes 👇

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

0

4 months ago

alcoholic, host, humor, kurt, Kurt Vonnegut, morning, morning show host, satire, secretary, Secretary of War, shit, show, vonnegut, war

All funny secretary quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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40 shares on Threads this month:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

21 shares on X this month:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

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There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Making waves on Slack:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Just landed via Messenger:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Shared recently on WeChat:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Going viral on Reddit:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Spotted on Instagram:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

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Funny secretary quotes

New funny secretary quotes 👇

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

All funny secretary quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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