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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Making waves on X:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Making waves on Telegram:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Making waves on Discord:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Live now on TikTok:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Trending via Instagram:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Funny self-aware quotes

Funny self-aware quotes are the perfect blend of wit and honesty 🤪✨ They make us laugh at our own quirks while keeping things real 😎 Whether you’re poking fun at your habits or embracing your flaws, these clever lines bring a smile and a nod of recognition 🤭💬 Ready to laugh at yourself? Dive into the world of humor that knows *exactly* what’s going on! 😂🔥

New funny self-aware quotes 👇

All funny self-aware quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea of a relationship is so much better than the reality, bruh. I used to be angry at 7 a.m.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,656

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Just landed via Slack:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Live now on Slack:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Shared recently on X:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Making waves on Reddit:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Going viral on WeChat:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Trending via TikTok:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Just shared via TikTok:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

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