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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

20 minutes ago

Users Online

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Reddit:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Just shared via X:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Spotted on Instagram:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Trending via Telegram:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Going viral on Facebook:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Home » Funny Shoplift Quotes

Funny shoplift quotes

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

20 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Making waves on YouTube:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Spreading quickly via X:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Going viral on TikTok:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Just shared via Discord:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

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