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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

My default setting is sexual energy.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,361

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Just landed via Reddit:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Going viral on Facebook:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Going viral on Messenger:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Trending via Instagram:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Seen just now on Discord:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Just shared via YouTube:

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

Just shared via Threads:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Slack this month:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

24 shares on WeChat this month:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

42 shares on Slack this month:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,628

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Trending via Telegram:

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Shared recently on X:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Just landed via TikTok:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Just landed via Instagram:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Just landed via X:

We are the last generation of programmers who know the deadly feeling of seeing the exact problem in our code, on Stack Overflow, with 0 answers.

Seen just now on Facebook:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Going bananas on Instagram:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

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