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Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

Just shared via Discord:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

Just landed via Instagram:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Just shared via YouTube:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Going viral on YouTube:

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Live now on WeChat:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Trending via Facebook:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Just landed via TikTok:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

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And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

3 weeks ago

children, humor, i, inheritance, internet, leave, multitasking, open, open tab, Safari, tab, tabs

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83 shares on TikTok this month:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

61 shares on X this month:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

84 shares on Threads this month:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

66 shares on X this month:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Shared recently on Discord:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Shared recently on TikTok:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Making waves on X:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Going viral on Instagram:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Shared recently on Slack:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Shared recently on X:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Making waves on Discord:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

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11 Funny tabs quotes

More funny tabs quotes 👇

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

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