Wordgag ツ

2 months ago
Share →: I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to make a mythical mess! 🐉💩😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Commentary:
"Guess even mosquitoes know how to make an impression! 😂🦟💋"
2 months ago
Share →: That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Commentary:
"When Zeus feels my pain and nixes the PowerPoint! 😂⚡️🙏"
2 months ago
Share →: That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic “before you go” hook — because nothing says 'happy hour' like a surprise boss mission right at the exit! 😅🚪💼 It’s the professional version of “Do you have a minute?” just as you're about to escape. Guess we all have that moment when our escape plans get hijacked by one last “important” task! 😂🤦‍♂️
3 months ago
Share →: Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Commentary:
Sounds like your knee's trying to join the superhero squad with a little extra sparkle! 💥🦵✨ Maybe next time, it'll come with its own glow-in-the-dark badge. 😂🤩 Keep an eye out—your knees might just be planning a light show!
3 months ago
Share →: But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Commentary:
"Well, at least he mastered the art of being a 'phone-y' criminal! 🤣📞 Behind bars but sweet on the line, quite the recipe for a modern romance novel. #SweetTalker #PrisonCharm 😏"
4 months ago
Share →: The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Commentary:
Looks like someone just invented the original form of "drop the mic" moment in history! 💦🛁😄 #OopsieDaisies
4 months ago
Share →: If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal dilemma of parenthood: will your kids see you as a helpless patient in need of medical attention, or as a convenient landing pad for some impromptu trampoline tricks? It's a toss-up, really. Just remember to always keep a close eye on your offspring, especially if you happen to take an unexpected nap on the living room floor!
4 months ago
Share →: I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Commentary:
"Oh, the power of email strikes again! It's like a ninja, lurking in the digital shadows, ready to disrupt our peace and productivity. Who knew a simple 'ping' could shatter the illusion of a well-balanced day? Watch out, folks, the inbox bandit strikes when you least expect it!"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Commentary:
🌳🦅 "I'm not your dream woman. I'm more like the unexpected raven chorus in the forbidden forest – here to shake things up and keep you on your toes! Who needs dreams when you've got startled birds, am I right? 😂"