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Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, itโ€™s about knowing how to make an entrance.

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I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

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We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

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British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

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Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

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Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

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I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

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Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the infamous plot by Big Text to exploit our tipsy tendencies and flood everyone's notifications! ๐Ÿน๐Ÿ“ฑ Beware of the cunning tactics of those sneaky emojis and drunk texts! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ“ฒ #TextsOnTheRocks"



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