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Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

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I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

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They expect me to work at work.

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โ€œApple Music has better sound quality!โ€ Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

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My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

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Still canโ€™t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

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My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

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I just ate, and now Iโ€™m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

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I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

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If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

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Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the infamous plot by Big Text to exploit our tipsy tendencies and flood everyone's notifications! ๐Ÿน๐Ÿ“ฑ Beware of the cunning tactics of those sneaky emojis and drunk texts! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ“ฒ #TextsOnTheRocks"



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