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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Going bananas on Slack:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Freshly posted on Slack:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Live now on Twitch:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Spotted on Instagram:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Making waves on TikTok:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Breaking via Slack:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Step aside, spaghetti and potatoes, your 'small, chubby children' gnocchi are here to steal the culinary spotlight! 🍝🥔😄 Let's embrace the deliciously adorable offspring of Italian cuisine with open arms and empty stomachs!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Discord this month:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

35 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

73 shares on Discord this month:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,380

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Going viral on WeChat:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Going viral on WeChat:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

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