Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

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“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

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Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

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My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

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Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

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Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

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No amount of daylight can save us.

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There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

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The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

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I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

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Just another day of not being hot and rich.