Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I have the body of a god. Sadly, it’s Buddha after brunch.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,393

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Just shared via Telegram:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Going viral on Slack:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Trending via Reddit:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Trending via Twitch:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Live now on Instagram:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Going viral on TikTok:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When my friend and I come up with the same terrible plan: 🤔🧠💡 "Great minds" or "group fails"? 😅🔄

alike, great, great mind, humor, irony, mind, minds, ones, stupid, stupid mind, think, think alike, unfortunately, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

0

3 days ago

bed-rotting, bedrotting, feeling, guilt-free, guilty, health, holiday, holidays, mental, mental health, normalize, relaxation, self-care
Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

0

2 months ago

3, accomplish, animation, brevity, comparison, entertainment, girl, girls, hours, humor, Marvel, minutes, movy, need, powerpuff, Powerpuff Girl, superhero, time, why
I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

0

2 months ago

battery, charged, charging, daily, daily life, humor, i, lay, lazy, life, phone, procrastination, relatable, suck, taking, technology
Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

0

2 months ago

clean, creature, creatures, Disney, help, humor, i, just, laundry, me, set, sing, standards, unrealistic, unrealistic standards, window, woodland, woodland creature
Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

0

2 months ago

arrogance, confidence, disregard, ego, humor, most, peasant, peasants, people, pride, think
At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

0

2 months ago

age, alive, before, birthday, check, Facebook, friend, friends, happy, humor, page, still, sure, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

42 shares on WeChat this month:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

15 shares on X this month:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

81 shares on Threads this month:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Trending via Slack:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Just landed via Reddit:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Just landed via Instagram:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Just landed via X:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Just landed via WeChat:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨