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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,242

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Just shared via TikTok:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Going viral on Telegram:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Going viral on Pinterest:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Going bananas on Facebook:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When the toaster's finally trying to impress you, but you already know you're whole wheat ✨🥖❤️

confession, dating, even, guy, humor, i, love, relationship, unrequited, unrequited love

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

2 months ago

assume, bookmark, building, case, humor, humorist, i, me, media, people, posts, social, social media, suspicion
When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

3 months ago

calm, calm down, care, dental, dental care, electric, electric toothbrush, freak, humor, just, regular, remember, toothbrush, training
If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

2 months ago

attention, attitude, confidence, feel, giving, humor, ignoring, passion, people, personality, real, sarcasm
You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

3 months ago

confidence, fear, humor, ID, me, photo, scare, self-esteem
Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

2 months ago

comedy, confidence, Funny, humor, know, much, resilience, self-deprecating, trauma
If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

3 months ago

bird, humor, i, insult, joke, person, relationship, sarcasm, shit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

100 shares on Discord this month:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

87 shares on X this month:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Breaking via Snapchat:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Seen just now on X:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Breaking via Facebook:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Just landed via Instagram:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Just landed via Discord:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Just landed via Instagram:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨