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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,323

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Breaking via Slack:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Just landed via WeChat:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Making waves on X:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Just shared via X:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Breaking via Reddit:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

Making waves on Messenger:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Just shared via YouTube:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Trending via Slack:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

0
Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs handshakes when we can awkwardly wiggle our elbow bumps instead? Less germ-sharing, more entertainment value! 💪🏼🦠 #ElbowBumpsForTheWin"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Facebook this month:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

95 shares on X this month:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

61 shares on Slack this month:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

79 shares on X this month:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Just landed via Instagram:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Just shared via Twitch:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Making waves on Discord:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Seen just now on Slack:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Just landed via WeChat:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

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