Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Live now on Pinterest:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Shared recently on Threads:

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

Just shared via YouTube:

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

Spotted on TikTok:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Shared recently on Threads:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Going bananas on Threads:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Live now on Slack:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Going viral on Discord:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

2 weeks ago

Funny quote criticizing handshakes with playful disgust at public nudity.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs handshakes when we can awkwardly wiggle our elbow bumps instead? Less germ-sharing, more entertainment value! 💪🏼🦠 #ElbowBumpsForTheWin"

ban, body, body part, gross, handshake, humor, interaction, naked, norm, parts, should, social, social norm, together, touch, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on WeChat this month:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

49 shares on Slack this month:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

70 shares on X this month:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My love language is being sent money.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,335

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Going viral on Twitch:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Spotted on TikTok:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Shared recently on Discord:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Spotted on Telegram:

I like deadlines. They make me functional.

Breaking via Twitch:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Just shared via Twitch:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴