Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

My parents think they know me.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Live now on Reddit:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Going viral on WeChat:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Making waves on Messenger:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Live now on Pinterest:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Spotted on Instagram:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Going viral on Reddit:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Trending via Discord:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why do alarms insist on being so 'alarm'ingly effective? 🌞⏰😂 #StillNotReadyForMonday"

alarm, alive, hate, humor, morning, sleep, still, struggle, waking, waking up

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

0

2 months ago

costume, creativity, Halloween, humor, i, just, kite, prank, put, sexy, tampon
Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

0

2 months ago

adulthood, childproof, dexterity, humor, kindergarten, level, still, struggles, things
My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

0

2 months ago

am, bed, furniture, humor, i, IKEA, self-deprecation, sleep, unstable
Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

0

3 months ago

affection, animal, animal behavior, apology, behavior, excited, excitement, greeting, humor, i, running, sorry
I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

0

2 months ago

doing, expectations, hate, humor, i, life, me, people, planning, procrastination, today, tomorrow, uncertainty
The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

0

2 months ago

choice, decision, heart, humor, love, only, organ, vote, wants

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

39 shares on Threads this month:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

93 shares on X this month:

I would prefer not to.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Making waves on TikTok:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Just landed via YouTube:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Shared recently on Reddit:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Shared recently on Slack:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨