Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Oh, look at you, remembering all your kids! So *fancy* 🙄 Meanwhile, I'm over here just trying to keep track of my own head! 🤪 #ParentingSkills"

act, better, bring, children, competition, drop, drop off, hate, humor, judgment, just, me, parent, parenting, parents, school

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

0

2 months ago

eat, eating, health, health insurance, humor, hunger, hungry, i, insurance, job, joke, salary, work, work humor, workplace
The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

0

2 months ago

end, headlight, humor, irony, life, light, motivation, oncoming, perspective, reality, train, tunnel
“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

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2 months ago

carefree, end, everything, excuse, going, heat, humor, joke, procrastination, season, seasonal, summer
We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

0

4 months ago

back, bring, courting, dating, flower, flowers, hell, horse, humor, man, message, modern, modern dating, need, old fashioned, romance, seriously, text, text message, tonight
That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, expression, feelings, humor, moment, serious, smile, strange, trying
I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

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3 days ago

Aldi, Britain, economy, embarrassed, humor, i, Lidl, nostalgia, remember, rich, shopping, supermarket, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

22 shares on Discord this month:

Soup is great for when you’re hungry but want to still feel hungry afterward.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Naturally introverted, selectively extroverted.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Live now on Telegram:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Trending via Instagram:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Going viral on WeChat:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Going viral on TikTok:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Just shared via Discord:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Spotted on Reddit:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Just landed via Threads:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨