Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,660

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Trending via WeChat:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Going bananas on X:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Going bananas on WeChat:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

Breaking via Pinterest:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Having a job ruined my life.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny, blunt quote about work struggles with a humorous, relatable vibe.

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Commentary:
Jobs: the leading cause of weekend grief. 😅💼📅

career, frustration, having, humor, job, life, ruined, sarcasm, work

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76 shares on Telegram this month:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

67 shares on Slack this month:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

People text you when you look good in photos.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I need a day off from myself.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Breaking via X:

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Just landed via Facebook:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Spotted on Reddit:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

Spotted on WeChat:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Just shared via X:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a job ruined my life.

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a job ruined my life.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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