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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,760

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Just landed via Twitch:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Seen just now on Telegram:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Making waves on Reddit:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Having a job ruined my life.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Jobs: the leading cause of weekend grief. 😅💼📅

career, frustration, having, humor, job, life, ruined, sarcasm, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

1 month ago

buy, clothing, ever, experience, fit, fitting, funny observation, huge, humor, observation, pack, perfectly, personal, personal experience, shopping, size, take, think, try, underwear
Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

1 month ago

activity, avoiding, excuse, fun, fun activity, humor, i, introvert, last, laziness, recovering, recovery, rest, sorry, staying, staying in, still, time
If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

2 months ago

break, bring, child, curiosity, expensive, humor, item, just, kid, mishap, parenting, shopping, store
I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

2 months ago

forget, humor, i, ignore, irony, listen, multitasking, productivity, same, sarcasm, time
A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

1 month ago

body, clumsiness, feet, funny moment, guy, humor, i, just, leap, lot, me, moment, over, own, parking, parking lot, quantum, quantum leap, saw, self-deprecation, trip, unexpected, wit
My love language is being sent money.

1 month ago

affection, being, finance, gift, humor, language, love, love language, money, relationship

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Spotted on Reddit:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Going viral on Reddit:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Just landed via Twitch:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a job ruined my life.

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

My love language is being sent money.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

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Having a job ruined my life.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

My love language is being sent money.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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