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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,278

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Just landed via Threads:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Just shared via Instagram:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Making waves on Slack:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Just landed via Discord:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Just landed via Slack:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

2 months ago

0

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

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Commentary:
🚖💸 "Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn't matter!" – Sounds like someone is ready to make it rain… with witty remarks and not cash! Keep chasing the weekend vibes without breaking the bank, my friend! 🎉💰 #FridayFeeling

adventure, Friday, fun, hello, humor, matter, money, taxi, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

0

2 months ago

again, apartment, chores, clean, cleaning, dirty, everything, frustration, later, moment, routine, year
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

0

2 months ago

animals, drunk, duck, humor, observation, talk, talking, walks
In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

0

2 months ago

animals, ever, going, home, humor, i, life, longing, nostalgia, pigeon, previous, previous life, think, travel
Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

0

5 days ago

commitment, fear, humor, i, marriage, mean, own, relationship, room, scary
I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

0

2 months ago

clothes, describe, fashion, floor, humor, i, mess, personal, pile, style, top, whatever
I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

0

2 months ago

creativity, humor, inspiration, lazy, me, motivation, procrastination, time, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,297

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

How do I un-know people?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Live now on Threads:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Going bananas on Threads:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Shared recently on Facebook:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Just shared via Threads:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Just landed via Threads:

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Breaking via Threads:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

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