How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

22 shares on Discord this month:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

95 shares on Discord this month:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

25 shares on Slack this month:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.