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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Shared recently on Threads:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Spotted on Slack:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Trending via Threads:

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Just landed via Discord:

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Interrupt my precious beauty sleep again and the gym will need more than just treadmills to escape my wrath. 😴🏋️‍♂️ #NapTimeMatters"

annoyance, being, dude, gym, hate, humor, i, nap, sleep, treadmill, used, waking, workout

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

0

2 months ago

bird, British, Cholmondeley, comely, flat, humor, i, lifestyle, marchioness, motors, own, posh, rappers, UK
How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

0

2 months ago

casual, commitment, conversation, dating, end, humor, love, marriage, proposal, relationship, someone, tell
My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

0

4 months ago

comparison, favorite, humor, impatience, irony, line, lines, move, observation, queue, standing, waiting, watching
I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

0

2 months ago

ability, car, choice, flying, flying car, game, humor, i, last, life, life choice, nostalgia, point, restart, save, save point, start, technology, video, video game, want
I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

0

2 months ago

budgeting, cost, decisions, financial, financial decisions, habits, humor, i, me, mind, money, much, never, regret, spending, spending habits, wonder
A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, food, humor, i, machine, massage, need, pasta, relaxation, self-care

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on X this month:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

16 shares on Slack this month:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

33 shares on Threads this month:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

In banana years, I am bread.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Going viral on Telegram:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Just shared via Instagram:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Making waves on Facebook:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Live now on YouTube:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Making waves on WeChat:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Trending via WeChat:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨