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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Jan 11, 2026

3,698

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Trending via X:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Making waves on Facebook:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Just shared via YouTube:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Live now on YouTube:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Seen just now on Facebook:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Breaking via Instagram:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

2 months ago

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂 "Ah, the irony of being ravenously hungry after a dental appointment! It's like your mouth is screaming 'feed me' while your dentist is saying 'not so fast, buddy!' 🦷🍔 Don't worry, that post-dentist feast will taste all the more satisfying after the mandated food exile!"

am, away, dentist, eat, eating, food, humor, hunger, i, irony, leave, never, restriction, right, told

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

2 months ago

corner, Earth, girl, humor, joke, love, me, mother, relationship, round
If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

2 months ago

advice, bank, bank robbery, code, dangerous, dangerous situation, dress, dress code, example, flip flops, going, humor, preparation, robbery, safety, situation, think, wear
Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

2 months ago

accessory, bold, bold style, boost, confidence, confidence boost, empowerment, example, fashion, feel, humor, i, know, me, personality, quirky, self-confidence, sexier, style, sword, times
I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

2 months ago

admit, apologize, behavior, cynicism, honesty, humor, i, mistake, mistakes, people, social, social behavior, words
“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

2 months ago

AI, asked, ChatGPT, grok, humor, i, joke, loser, R2D2, robot, said, sarcasm, sci-fi, technology, well
“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

2 months ago

actually, confusion, humor, i, irony, it is what it is, knowing, perspective, say, self-awareness, uncertainty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Slack this month:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

62 shares on X this month:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

26 shares on Discord this month:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

90 shares on Slack this month:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media may have been a mistake.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,301

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Trending via TikTok:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

Trending via Facebook:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Just landed via TikTok:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Just shared via Twitch:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Going viral on Facebook:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Breaking via Messenger:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

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