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😂 "Ah, the irony of being ravenously hungry after a dental appointment! It's like your mouth is screaming 'feed me' while your dentist is saying 'not so fast, buddy!' 🦷🍔 Don't worry, that post-dentist feast will taste all the more satisfying after the mandated food exile!"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

1 month ago
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People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

1 month ago
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An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

1 month ago
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My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

1 month ago
curse, friendship, fun, hang, hang out, humor, invitation, socializing, want
There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

1 month ago
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At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

1 month ago
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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

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I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

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A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

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Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

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If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

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Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

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Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Trending via Instagram:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Spotted on Twitch:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Spotted on Discord:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

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I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

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My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

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I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

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