Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,396

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

Seen just now on Slack:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Just landed via Telegram:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Trending via Facebook:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Trending via TikTok:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Just landed via Facebook:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

Trending via Reddit:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I always suspected you had a good head on your shoulders! 😅🗡️🤣

actually, charming, dark, dark humor, guillotine, humor, i, let, me, sarcasm, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Messenger this month:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

72 shares on Discord this month:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

Going viral on Instagram:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Spreading quickly via X:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Just shared via Discord:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Just shared via Discord:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Just landed via Twitch:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨