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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,373

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Trending via Reddit:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

Spotted on Threads:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Going viral on YouTube:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Making waves on Discord:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Just shared via Messenger:

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

Going viral on Slack:

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

Shared recently on Threads:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Witty quote about romanticizing life and indecision with a humorous, contemplative vibe.
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Commentary:
Sounds like I'm living in the Netflix original series: Procrastination and Chill 📺🍟🛋️

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

84 shares on Slack this month:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,315

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

Going bananas on Slack:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Making waves on Snapchat:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Going viral on Telegram:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

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