I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

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One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

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I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

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Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

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Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

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If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

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When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

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The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.