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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Trending via YouTube:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Seen just now on Threads:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Just landed via TikTok:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Just landed via TikTok:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Shared recently on Slack:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Living the dream: off-grid, but still online! 🌲📶😂

disappearing, dream, escape, humor, i, nature, technology, Wi-Fi, wifi, woods

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

0

2 months ago

anger, angry, awkwardness, deadpan, expression, facial, facial expression, facial neutral, humor, i, joke, killer, neutral, neutral expression, personality, serial, serial killer, social, social awkwardness, suffer, syndrome, where
I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

0

2 months ago

humor, inactivist, irony, lazy, motivation, procrastination
Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

0

2 months ago

activity, age, forget, fun, fun activity, hangover, humor, Netflix, tequila, wake, wake up, where
Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

0

2 months ago

distraction, driving, flashing, flashing light, humor, light, multitasking, police, scrolling, technology
Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

0

2 months ago

bed, humor, laughter, noise, sex, sex noise, struggle, trying, waking, waking up
If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

0

2 months ago

days, God, humor, i, irony, relaxation, rested, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

74 shares on TikTok this month:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

88 shares on Threads this month:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Seen just now on Telegram:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Shared recently on WeChat:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Going viral on Twitch:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Just landed via X:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

Just landed via Facebook:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨