Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,583

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Making waves on Reddit:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Trending via Slack:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Just shared via Telegram:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Going viral on Slack:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Seen just now on Threads:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Live now on X:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Seen just now on Threads:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Just shared via TikTok:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

2 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you open the fridge expecting a buffet but find an episode of "Chopped" instead 🥦🔪😩

cooking, food, frustration, hate, humor, hunger, i, ingredient, kitchen, only, snack

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

3 months ago

app, apps, comparison, digital, digital struggle, frustration, funny comparison, got, haunted, haunted house, house, just, log, log out, memory, password, remember, struggle, technology, website, websites, where
You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

2 months ago

crazy, friends, friendship, humor, i, me, people, train
Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

2 months ago

bitchy, bloated, dwarf, forgetful, health, humor, itchy, menopause, psycho, sleepy, snow, Snow White, sweaty, white, women’s, women’s health
If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

2 months ago

after, afterlife, cremated, cremation, death, die, family, family game night, game, game piece, hourglass, humor, night, nights, participation, piece, put, still
Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

2 months ago

activity, day, gardening, home, home activity, humor, procrastination, relaxation, today, TV
If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

2 months ago

early, flirting, forecast, humor, i, ID, joke, leak, man, pretty, pretty woman, weather, woman, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on TikTok this month:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Before you beef with me, just know I’m deeply malicious to my core once upset.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

65 shares on Discord this month:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Spotted on Instagram:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Just landed via Slack:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨