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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

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My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

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A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

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Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

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I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

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Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

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Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

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3,909

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Just landed via TikTok:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Just landed via YouTube:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Going viral on Pinterest:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Making waves on Instagram:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When lotion gives you a surprise exfoliation: nature's way of saying 'expect the unexpected' 😂🧴✨

bottle, hand, hate, i, lotion, lotion bottle, mucus, mucus plug, palm, plug, pump, skincare

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

2 months ago
afterlife, death, final, final words, humor, i, irony, rest, tombstone, wake, wake up, want, well, words
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

1 month ago
am, animals, hate, humor, i, irony, love, plant, plants, vegetarian
The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

1 month ago
ask, chores, help, homework, humor, kid, motivation, parenting, procrastination
I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

1 month ago
around, bag, bombs, breaking, cat, chaos, everyone, glass, glass breaking, going, humor, i, inside, looking, love, me, messy, messy bag, searching, something
Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

1 month ago
awkward, awkward situation, ever, family, gathering, gun, holiday, humor, situation, Thanksgiving, uncle
Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

4 months ago
agreement, before, friends, friendship, humor, joke, NDA, please, sign, trust

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

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Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

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We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

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When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Making waves on Facebook:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

Salary week, but salary weak.

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

It’s crazy that we’re closer to the year 3000 then I am to finding love.

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

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I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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