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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Going viral on TikTok:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Just landed via WeChat:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Just landed via Twitch:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Making waves on Messenger:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Trending via Slack:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

Shared recently on X:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

2 months ago

Funny Quotes

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Commentary:
"Well, at least you'll have cozy feet to comfort you in your mid-life crisis 😄🧦 #SocksOverStress #RetailTherapy"

40, adulthood, age, birthday, drinks, hangover, humor, i, know, last, morning, night, oh, online, online shopping, regret, shopping, socks, thinking, woke

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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Discord this month:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

85 shares on X this month:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

65 shares on Threads this month:

The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

How do I un-know people?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Spotted on YouTube:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Breaking via TikTok:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Just landed via WeChat:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Just landed via Instagram:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Going viral on YouTube:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Men used to go to war. Now they say, “Hey, Grok.”

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Men used to go to war. Now they say, “Hey, Grok.”

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨