Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,400

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Going bananas on YouTube:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Trending via TikTok:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

Just shared via Discord:

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

Just landed via Messenger:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Shared recently on Slack:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

I love it when God gives me money.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
God's got that direct deposit drip! 💸😇✨

God, gratitude, humor, i, love, me, money

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

0

5 months ago

awful, childbirth, family, family planning, humor, lot, market, parenting, planning, pregnancy, satire, seems, work
If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

0

2 months ago

bear, ever, fight, gummy, hope, humor, i, joke, wish
If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

0

2 months ago

attitude, care, give, humor, motivation, remind, reminder, sarcasm, shit, yourself
“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

0

2 months ago

afford, conversation, finance, hobby, humor, i, joke, money, oh, poverty
If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

0

2 months ago

forest, humor, joke, kid, music, parenting, piano, practice, sound, tree, where
If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

0

2 months ago

confidence, cool, ear, good, humor, interviewer, job, magic, magic trick, quarter, think, trick, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on X this month:

My recliner and I go way back.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

91 shares on X this month:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

86 shares on Discord this month:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

60 shares on Discord this month:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Just shared via Reddit:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

Seen just now on X:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Live now on Twitch:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love it when God gives me money.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨