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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

My company promotes diversity. Weโ€™d never hire twins.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡จ has shared:

You ever liked a song so much you restart it before it even finishes?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

One day youโ€™re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง has copied:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

My daughter asked me what itโ€™s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldnโ€™t sleep.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง has downloaded:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,574

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I like when I walk with people and they note that Iโ€™m a fast walker. Weโ€™re in a race. Weโ€™re in a race and youโ€™re losing actually.

Going bananas on Discord:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. Iโ€™m as confused here as you are. Weโ€™re both learning what Iโ€™m about to say at the exact same time.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Just shared via Facebook:

Late replies donโ€™t bother me. As long as weโ€™re not in love, or you donโ€™t owe me money, take your time.

Going viral on Facebook:

All I think about is death and sex.

Shared recently on Instagram:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Going viral on Instagram:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, Iโ€™ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Funny text about fearing death ruining a Wordle streak. Playful and witty.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Priorities definitely shift when you're on a winning streak in Wordle! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’€ Better solve those clues quickly before Death comes knocking and ruins it all! ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿ† #WordlePriority #DeathVsWordle"

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Social Media Stars โญ

88 shares on Discord this month:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

80 shares on X this month:

A selfie only a mother could like.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they donโ€™t read it fast enough.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If youโ€™re a guy and youโ€™re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid peopleโ€™s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

When I say, โ€œI have to be someplace,โ€ what I mean is, โ€œI want to go home.โ€

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Living la vida taco!

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

80% of arguments start because someone hasnโ€™t eaten yet.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,424

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

I donโ€™t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ถ has downloaded:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ง has viewed:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via WeChat:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Just landed via Discord:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Making waves on Discord:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Going viral on Slack:

I canโ€™t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Going viral on Slack:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I drive like Iโ€™m immortal.

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