Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,702

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

Trending via Twitch:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Broadcasted on Slack:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

Trending via Facebook:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Making waves on TikTok:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Haunted house: Spooky fun. Structural repairs: Spooky bills! 👻🔨💸"

ghost, haunted, home, hope, house, humor, i, joke, need, repair, repairs, spooky, structural, structural repair

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Threads this month:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

23 shares on X this month:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

78 shares on Threads this month:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

54 shares on Slack this month:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Live now on Telegram:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Spotted on Facebook:

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Another Monday that no one asked for.

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Another Monday that no one asked for.

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨