Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,601

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Trending via Messenger:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Seen just now on Slack:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Spotted on Twitch:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Going viral on Messenger:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Spotted on Threads:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Trending via Reddit:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Haunted house: Spooky fun. Structural repairs: Spooky bills! 👻🔨💸"

ghost, haunted, home, hope, house, humor, i, joke, need, repair, repairs, spooky, structural, structural repair

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

0

4 months ago

budget, financial, financial planning, humor, i, know, last, month, planning, positivity, smile, uncertainty
If love is the answer then what was the question?

0

2 months ago

answer, humor, irony, love, question, relationship, wit
Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

0

2 months ago

absurdity, ban, excuse, humor, irony, me, petition, political, request, sign
Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

0

2 months ago

fashion, fit, humor, nostalgia, positive, proud, scarf, self-esteem, yesterday
I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

0

2 months ago

2, 30, cleaning, hate, housework, humor, i, minutes, over, people, preparation, procrastination, threaten, time
I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

0

2 months ago

alibi, crime, dark, dark humor, friend, friendship, humor, humorist, joke, shovel, shows

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ugh, but profoundly.

31 shares on Threads this month:

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Just shared via Snapchat:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Going bananas on Instagram:

When did making sense stop making sense?

Spotted on YouTube:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Just landed via Facebook:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Going viral on Instagram:

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

Spotted on Twitch:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Going viral on TikTok:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Just landed via Reddit:

“I made this with AI.” Yeah, we can tell.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨