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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,469

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Trending via Facebook:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Going viral on Telegram:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Going viral on Instagram:

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

Just shared via WeChat:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Spotted on X:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Just shared via Telegram:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when popping into Lidl felt like committing treason! 🛒😂🔍

Aldi, Britain, economy, embarrassed, humor, i, Lidl, nostalgia, remember, rich, shopping, supermarket, used

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Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Telegram this month:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

12 shares on WeChat this month:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

95 shares on Facebook this month:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

97 shares on Telegram this month:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

21 shares on Discord this month:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

56 shares on Discord this month:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Making waves on Facebook:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Just landed via Pinterest:

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

Going viral on Reddit:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Making waves on Twitch:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Trending via WeChat:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Just shared via TikTok:

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

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Activity Log ✨

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨