Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

4,000

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Breaking via Facebook:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Just landed via Threads:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Just landed via Slack:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Spotted on TikTok:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Live now on YouTube:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Going viral on Facebook:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Spotted on Threads:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

2 months ago

0

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your pillow game is on a rollercoaster—going from painful to downright plush! 🎢🛌 Maybe your neck just has a flair for the dramatic. 😂 Time to find that perfect middle ground where comfort and support finally shake hands! 🤝😉

comfort, fat, flat, fluff, fluffy, humor, hurt, hurts, i, neck, new, old, pain, pillow, upgrade

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

0

2 months ago

activity, funny activity, gardening, house, house plant, humor, indoor, indoor plant, light, nature, next, plant, plants, rain, window
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

0

2 months ago

casual, chaos, circus, guy, head, humor, laid-back, personality
I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

0

2 months ago

cleaning, gorgeous, home, humor, i, maintenance, procrastination, shower, terrarium
Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

0

2 months ago

absence, apparently, boss, coming, excuse, honesty, humor, i, just, reason, today, unemployment, want, why, work, workplace
I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

0

2 hours ago

actually, charming, dark, dark humor, guillotine, humor, i, let, me, sarcasm, wit
I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, always, aunt, family, humor, i, lot, money, myself, realization, responsibility, thought

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Reddit this month:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

49 shares on Discord this month:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,888

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Spotted on Slack:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Seen just now on Twitch:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Just landed via X:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Spotted on X:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Going viral on WeChat:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴