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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Just landed via YouTube:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Going viral on Slack:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Just shared via Slack:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Just shared via Twitch:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Live now on Reddit:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Going viral on Threads:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

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I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.
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Commentary:
Embracing my solo adventures like a pro—clearly, I was a real troublemaker in a past life! 😜🤷‍♂️ #KarmaStrikesAgain

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

54 shares on Slack this month:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

35 shares on Slack this month:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

16 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

15 shares on Threads this month:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

79 shares on Discord this month:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a vessel for various dips.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,636

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Going viral on Twitch:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Live now on Threads:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Live now on Messenger:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Just landed via Messenger:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Going viral on Telegram:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Trending via Reddit:

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

Seen just now on Discord:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

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