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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Having a crush is so fun, it’s literally just butterflies and delusion.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,388

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Live now on Twitch:

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Spotted on Messenger:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Spotted on Telegram:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Making waves on Instagram:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Live now on TikTok:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
This is why I have a constant subscription to honesty! 😄🗣️😜

bite, cause, honesty, hurts, i, mind, pain, speak, speaking, speaking mind, tongue, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

0

2 months ago

feel, fitness, holiday, humor, irony, January, November, treadmill, turkey
If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

0

2 months ago

frustration, God, going, humor, meet, oh, time, trainee, training, workplace
Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, fast, fitness, health, humor, metabolism, speed, wish
Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

0

2 months ago

announce, closed, embarrassment, eyes, eyes closed, health, honesty, humor, i, just, nurse, scale, weight
I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

0

2 months ago

age, being, childhood, childhood memory, dinosaur, favorite, fun, humor, i, kid, memory, miss, nobody, nostalgia
I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

0

2 months ago

account, advice, bank, financial, financial humor, humor, i, joke, life, life advice, life motto, living, money, motto, need, short, spending, stop, words

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on TikTok this month:

When did making sense stop making sense?

69 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

48 shares on Threads this month:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

21 shares on Discord this month:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Breaking via Messenger:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Just landed via Snapchat:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Spotted on TikTok:

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

Going viral on Reddit:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Just landed via Facebook:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Just landed via Instagram:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Just landed via Reddit:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨