Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Just shared via Facebook:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Live now on Twitch:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Just landed via TikTok:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Making waves on Slack:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Trending via Pinterest:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
This is why I have a constant subscription to honesty! 😄🗣️😜

bite, cause, honesty, hurts, i, mind, pain, speak, speaking, speaking mind, tongue, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

0

2 months ago

disturb, do not disturb, enter, even, great, hour, humor, i, interruption, me, mind, mind palace, oh, okay, palace, pardon, philosopher, precious, privacy, realize, sarcasm, seclusion, solitude, someone
Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

0

2 months ago

enthusiasm, fun, humor, making, mistakes, new, new year, old, optimism, Resolutions, same, self-improvement, year
The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

0

2 months ago

bro, context, drink, humor, little, umbrella, unnecessary, wet
Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

0

1 month ago

ask, call, communication, humor, husband, let, me, overuse, phone, phone call, phrase, relationship, said, wait
The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

0

2 months ago

accidental, constant, humor, life, lock, lock screen, screen, screenshot, technology
I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

0

2 months ago

baby, diet, eat, ethics, food, fruit, fruitarian, humor, i, idea, just, love, morality, spinach, vegetarianism

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

26 shares on Discord this month:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

99 shares on Facebook this month:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

48 shares on Slack this month:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Making waves on Facebook:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Live now on TikTok:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Trending via Snapchat:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Spotted on Discord:

Being a girl must be so easy. All you do is cry all day and text 10 different guys.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Making waves on Threads:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Making waves on WeChat:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨