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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I totally understand those uncles and aunts who don’t attend gatherings.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,511

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Just landed via Discord:

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Making waves on Telegram:

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Trending via Discord:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Seen just now on Discord:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Trending via Pinterest:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Spotted on Threads:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

I totally understand those uncles and aunts who don’t attend gatherings.

3 hours ago

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Commentary:
Finally, a benefit of adulting: mastering the art of tactical family event evasions! 🚪🚶‍♂️👋😄

attendance, aunt, event, family, gathering, gatherings, i, social, social event, uncle, understand, understanding

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

0

4 months ago

being, dating, life, love, love life, mind, minds, modern, modern love, most, relationship, romance, romantic, romantic mind, situationship, time
I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

0

2 months ago

bore, confidence, humor, i, personality, problems, sarcasm, self-deprecating, wit
I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

0

2 months ago

arts, chi, combat, community, community lessons, free, humor, i, irony, lessons, martial, martial arts, muggers, self-defense, slow, tai, Tai Chi, think, too
They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

0

4 months ago

feeling, feeling rested, humor, invent, invention, rest, rested, should, sleep, sleeping, tired, type, wake, wake up, where
My mirror needs a screenshot button.

0

2 months ago

button, humor, mirror, needs, reflection, screenshot, self-image, technology, vanity
Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

0

2 months ago

5, after, anniversary, couple, getting, honeymoon, humor, life, long-term, marriage, married, married life, opinion, relationship, right, road, term, unpopular

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

24 shares on Discord this month:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

10 shares on Slack this month:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Trending via Messenger:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Spotted on Instagram:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

Making waves on Instagram:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Just shared via Telegram:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Trending via Messenger:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I totally understand those uncles and aunts who don’t attend gatherings.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨