Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Well, blame it on the stars, not the folks who gave you life! 🌟✨ Looks like Mercury retrograde gets more airtime than family drama these days! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 #CosmicExcuses"

again, astrology, bad, bad things, blame, fact, grown, grown up, humor, i, just, me, Mercury, parents, problems, retrograde, self-awareness, terms, things, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

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2 months ago

away, bed, big, cardio, exercise, humor, marriage, me, personal, personal space, relationship, rolling, routine, sleep, space, wife
I have more trips planned than I have money.

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2 months ago

budget, finance, humor, i, money, planned, planning, travel, trip
Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

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2 months ago

comfort, home, humor, seat, toilet, trust
Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

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2 months ago

casual, humor, pants, place, relaxation, responsibility, Sunday
I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

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2 months ago

chore, cleaning, confusion, dish, dishes, dishwasher, dishwasher tablet, doing, feel, five, humor, i, idea, joke, misunderstanding, still, tablet, taken, work
I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

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2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, coffee humor, daily, daily struggle, hope, humor, i, morning, morning routine, motivation, rise, routine, shine, struggle, wake, wake up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Facebook this month:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

58 shares on Facebook this month:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

45 shares on Discord this month:

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I need a massage for my brain.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

In these difficult times, it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Making waves on Slack:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Making waves on TikTok:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Going bananas on Reddit:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Just shared via Reddit:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Cool times create cool guys.

Seen just now on Discord:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨