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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Spotted on YouTube:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Shared recently on YouTube:

The void screams into me.

Spotted on Messenger:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Going viral on Instagram:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Going viral on Telegram:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Spotted on YouTube:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Live now on X:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

2 months ago

0

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the disappointment at family gatherings when they expected medical advice but got dad jokes instead… 😂 Who needs a stethoscope when you've got punchlines, right? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe laughter is the best medicine after all! 😆"

career, career choice, choice, comedian, disappointment, humor, i, medical, medical school, meet, parents, person, school, stand-up, stand-up comedian, super

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

0

2 months ago

bonsai, bonsai tree, broccoli, challenge, Chinese, Chinese restaurant, chop, dining, dining experience, dishes, eating, eating challenge, experience, feel, fit, food, food joke, humor, i, joke, mouth, restaurant, restaurants, tree, trying
If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

0

2 months ago

Android, arguing, check, communication, ever, humor, just, parenting, sarcasm, say, something, sure, technology, teen
Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

0

2 months ago

activity, always, draw, expectations, fun, humor, i, looking, means, men, relationship, sex, think, want
You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, before, comfort, comfort zone, even, funny observation, home, house, introvert, know, leaving, observation, personality, personality type, social, social anxiety, type, want, zone
“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

0

2 months ago

40, age, am, appearance, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, self-deprecating
Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

0

2 months ago

better, everything, experience, humor, i, me, memory, nostalgia, past, perspective, tell, truth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

72 shares on Threads this month:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

52 shares on X this month:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

An electric car is just another electric chair.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Live now on Slack:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Making waves on X:

Achieving AGI by reducing the intelligence of the average human rather than increasing the intelligence of AI.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Trending via Messenger:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Making waves on Telegram:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

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