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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Body by sandwich.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1228 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,390

Funny Quotes Topics

14,316

Funny Quotes Images

11,390

Updated

50 seconds ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Trending via WeChat:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Going viral on Messenger:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Going viral on Facebook:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Shared recently on Threads:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

Just shared via Telegram:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Shared recently on Telegram:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.
I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic dilemma of wanting serenity but being stuck with a chatty brain 🧠💬. It's like trying to negotiate a peace treaty between your eyelids and your thoughts! 😅 Maybe your brain just needs a lullaby or a good pun to finally shut up and let you catch some Z's. 😴✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1228 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,390

Funny Quotes Topics

14,316

Funny Quotes Images

11,390

Updated

50 seconds ago

Users Online

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Trending via Twitch:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Live now on TikTok:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Just landed via Slack:

“I can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Going viral on YouTube:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Reported on Threads:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

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