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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

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15,752

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17,765

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Trending via Instagram:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

2 months ago

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Hopefully, they're all winning the lottery and taking naps! 🤑😴✨

alternate, alternate dimension, curiosity, dimension, humor, i, parallel, parallel universe, self, universe, wonder

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83 shares on Threads this month:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

91 shares on Discord this month:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love unplanned fun.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

48 shares on Discord this month:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

45 shares on X this month:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

15 shares on Threads this month:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Spotted on TikTok:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Just shared via X:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Making waves on Facebook:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

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Activity Log ✨

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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